- Aries – You are about to do the wrong thing and you do not want to discuss this topic. Heaven forbid someone would ask you about this incident; unless they prefer you removing their kidneys through the sinuses. You will start your own one-man-union because you are very upset about your new job as a janitor; next move – picketing the parking lot!
- Taurus – Today will be full of computer related mishaps. Hope in your heart is all well and good but you know deep down inside that when your computer crashes, it will not have automatically saved the document you’d been working on for the past four hours. However, you may find love in unexpected places but it is equally likely that you’ll find love on e-bay, for sale at low, low prices.
- Gemini – the motto of the month: Test yourself, know your limits! The music you have been listening to has been tainted by the devil; at least that’s what the neighbors think! But this is no reason to panic. There is always your favorite way of relaxation: vandalizing your own home!
- Cancer – This week, Microsoft Word may define your grammar as “poorly constructed” and full of “run on sentences”. You are not a loser. You just…don’t…not…un-win. Having a box of tissues close to hand might become important over the coming minutes.
- Leo – you have discovered that your dream job is to be a bus-driver! Anyways, you need constant attention but this does not mean that harassing people is legal…. And please don’t forget that hanging THAT many portraits of yourself in your home is considered a disorder too.
- Virgo – Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word “Virgo”. Maybe it’s time you saw the reality behind the fact that you wash your clothes in alphabetical order by manufacturer, that you only see in shades of clean/dirty, that you often play that game with the fridge door to trick the light inside and so on!
- Libra – keep in mind that this is not the best period for you to get drunk. Because you will end up, again, trying to explain to the pigeons, at 3 o’clock in the morning, the difference between “café latte” and “café au lait”. The strange thing is that we all know that there is no difference …
- Scorpio – there have been months now since you first started thinking about hacking the lottery. And it is a well-known fact that hackers are Scorpios; even Bill Gates is a Scorpio! But please, try to understand that Star Trek is pure fiction and that you are NOT a Borg leader!
- Sagittarius – The following period will allow you to show your true nature. We all know you like killing spiders with your bare hands!! And we all know how savage you can be and unfortunately for us we know about your secret talent too: circus freak!
- Capricorn –Time and time again you are asked to wait outside the room whilst the “adults” discuss your situation. This week, make sure you are one of the “adults”. Fun is a word that will score you few points in scrabble…but then when was life all about scrabble?
- Aquarius – you love a good party and your motto is: any time, ant place! This is why you always try to find a date at wakes. Could you please stop being nostalgic about the 60s? Walking naked on the streets will never be back in fashion!
- Pisces – Everywhere you go, laughter and comedy ensue. This would be great if you were trying to be funny. It is funny how animals and children love you but adults find you annoying! Ah, and by the way – our advice is to never marry a Cancer!
Burning Violet 
” It is funny how animals and children love you but adults find you annoying!” it just indicates how good we are so we function with pure souls, before they get spoiled by bullshit 😛
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